This Rabbit hole called… comparing yourself to others

A friend called on Wednesday and while we were chatting he brought up this topic of LinkedIn that how it feels so miserable every time he visits LinkedIn. Everyone is posting how happy they are to get a new job, or someone is posting about promotion or someone has a story to tell. How he(my friend) feels he is nowhere in this race, which everyone else is winning on LinkedIn.

He also told me how many at the beginning of COVID said that you must acquire a new skill while you have lot of time working from home but in reality it has been so difficult being tied to your house for last two years. Even surviving feels an achievement. LinkedIn feels like Facebook or Instagram but a work life version of it.

That brought to me a simple question, can there be a simple life if you want? Will the world in which we live will allow us to do that? Maybe someone doesn’t want to change job every 3 years or may be someone is content with what they are earning. Does it have to be about rat race all the time?

Someone may be earning a crore rupee salary but they might not have any time to spend that with their families.

PC: Searchingjournal.com

One of my favorite sportsperson, Tennis great Rafael Nadal, who was tied with Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic for most number of Grand Slam wins till a week back, says my happiness doesn’t depend if I have more slams than Roger and Novak. Can it be so simple when all what we learn throughout our life is to compare ourselves. Seeds of this comparison is sown from childhood, from classroom and this continues throughout our life and it definitely is not easy to get out of this comparison syndrome.

There is a term called “Comparisonitis”. Did you know about? Don’t feel bad, I also didn’t know. it means “The compulsion to compare one’s accomplishments to another’s to determine relative importance, etc.”

My job hunt intensifies every time some acquaintance finds a new job, I guess comparisonitis kicks in

I think comparison has been always been there but I guess it has intensified in this social media time. I guess I’m also part of the problem when I post my fitness related pictures or updates, though it has motivated many, it’d have made feel bad few as well.

Solutions are few and may not seem very appealing but there aren’t many option but to try the ones we have.

• Accept it’s totally normal to compare oneself with others. After all we are all humans and envious and jealous are normal emotions and it’d do no help if you don’t recognize your emotions or how you feel.
• Reminding ourselves again and again that everyone has a different journey. Someone may have fantastic job, someone may have a peaceful and fulfilling family life, someone may have a very fit body, someone might be getting great returns in stock market, someone might have a enviable collection in their bar, or someone’s sex life might be great but hardly anyone would have everyone. Focus on what’s important for you. One you are envying for having something you don’t, might be envying you for you having something the other one doesn’t have.
• Reminding ourselves that there are always people up the ladder and down below as well. If you are looking for motivation, look up, if you are looking for satisfaction look down.
• If you want to feel good for what you have, pull out statistics. There are definitely few things which you are good at or proud of yourself, pull statistics of those areas where you are in top 10%.
• Keep noticing your triggers which makes you feel bad and also notice triggers for feeling good. Social media mostly triggers, so limit your social media exposure if you are feeling low.
• I mostly don’t read books from author which comes from my demography. It makes me feel bad. I want to be a writer and they already are. So to feel less bad, I only read established writer’s books. This is one way of limiting my comparison pain.
• There is no harm is showing off, if that makes you feel better but be warned if you are getting pleasure by showing off there is high chance you’ll feel low when someone else shows off something which you desire.